On Self-Betrayal

Updated: Jan 20

Let’s talk about self-betrayal.


Self-betrayal is: sacrificing parts of yourself to please, placate, or appease others.


We’ve all been there. Putting other people first and leaving ourselves out of the equation entirely.


We’re often conditioned into betraying and abandoning ourselves in childhood. Through our experiences, we learn that in order to receive what we need, we must please and placate those around us.


This begins as a survival tactic. As a child, we literally depend on our caretakers to feed us, clothe us, shelter us, and give us love.

If there are conditions placed on this — if we must be, do, or perform a certain way in order to get our needs met — we often learn to betray ourselves in order to seek these vital resources, as well as the love and support of our parents (which are also absolutely vital for a child).


When we move into adulthood, we become compliant. We become doormats. We become people pleasers. We become people who look for outside validation and approval over listening to our gut.

We have learned that this is the way to receive love. We have learned this is how we get the things that we need.


The thing is — when we betray and abandon ourselves for the love and approval of others, there is always a high cost.


We pay the price internally. Every single time.

There’s no getting around this.


We eat our feelings. We choke down our resentment. We bite our tongues.

And while we may receive crumbs of approval from those around us, it is never enough.


You see, when you seek to be filled from the outside in, there will always be a void you hold inside.

This makes you dependent on others to fill your needs.

We all need love and connection with others, but when we perceive them as our primary or only source of this — we become desperate. We lose sight of ourselves. We forget that we have within us a wealth of wisdom, a wealth of love, and so much to offer to the world.


We self-sacrifice. We beg. We bargain. We cut off pieces of ourselves in an attempt to seek the love and approval we crave.


In this state of mind, we do not realize that WE are the ultimate source of our own love and approval. We hold the source within.

When you are connected from within yourself, you have access to a limitless source of unconditional love, energy, and support.


Relationships with others become more authentic. Desperation melts away. That “starving” feeling disappears entirely. You are being fed from within.


When you discover this deep truth and begin operating from this space — magick happens. You begin to focus on what feels good to you, what keeps you open and aligned, instead of what other people “require” of you to give you their crumbs of love and approval.

You realize that you need never want for anything again.

This doesn’t mean everything will always feel good, perfect or easy. This does not mean you won’t sometimes crave connection, or feel lonely.


What it does do is free up your mental and emotional resources to take on a new perspective and choose your actions differently.


When we are no longer starving for love and approval, we gain perspective. We also gain a huge amount of self-love and self-respect.

We no longer run around trying to prove ourselves to people.


We realize that we have everything within us that we will ever need.


Here we can choose to take the grand leap into the unknown, with the awareness that we already hold what we need.


This creates an internal portal that opens us up to infinity.


Infinite potential. Infinite possibilities.

I want to be clear about something. There is no shame in having betrayed yourself for love.


And once you realize what you’re doing — you have a beautiful choice point in front of you.


What would it be like to feed yourself well every night, instead of waiting for others to give you crumbs?

How does it feel to think about this possibility?


Every great change comes when we have had enough of the same old bullshit.


So now I ask you this question:

Have you had enough?

Are you ready to connect to your own divine source of eternal love?


It is there, ready and waiting for you to open up.


Miracles await.


Dear soul, there is no longer any need to betray yourself for love.


There is no need to seek outside of yourself for what you already are.

You hold it all within. Do you remember?


It is time.


I love you.


Tawny



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